I hate the word “minimalism”. It’s been used and abused and associated with empty spaces and single-colour t-shirts. In fact, some people really do go as far as having a single sweater and then suffering when having it mended. On the other hand, there are millions of people focussing on decluttering, on material possessions, trying to get rid of those only to bounce back. Some bounce back to clutter, some bounce back to buying more luxurious stuff (now, when they don’t spend money on clutter, they can afford it) – but those behaviours tell me that they haven’t let go of things they should, which are not material possessions. 

Decluttering and trashing is not what minimalism really is. It is a tool to make you feel better about yourself, so let me show you how. 

Starting from the trash you have accumulated over the years is not the right way to start, no matter how many “does it bring joy” questions you ask. The material stuff is the effect of something else, something that lies deeper within you and if you don’t focus on the root causes, you will not feel better (even if you somehow manage to reduce the clutter). 

Ideas

Over the years, when we grow up when we live, we accumulate expectations (societal, families-driven, partners-driven, our own), and ideas about ourselves that we should live up to. We also accumulate stories of what happened, what could happen, and what didn’t happen. 

When I say ideas and expectations about ourselves, I mean things like:

• I need to be productive all the time
• I need to monetize my hobbies
• I need to climb the corporate ladder
• I need to stay fit by exercising
• I need to impress my family/friends/co-workers with my possessions/how smart I am/what good decisions I make in life/(fill in your reason)
• I’m not enough without a partner/career/business/family/an area where I feel special/(fill the blank)
• I’m not pretty enough without the branded clothes/jewellery/make-up
• I need to show my status through… (fill in the blank)
• I need to be different by… (fill in the blank)
• I need to be a loving father/mother
• I need to be happy
• I need to be perfect
• I need to live such-and-such way
• I need to express myself in the way I look/live/the sports that I play/(fill in the blank)
• I want to be/aspire to be a YouTuber/polylingual/sportsman/(fill in the blank)

Ideas are what we have to let go of first before we even start to focus on the material possessions related to those. And getting rid of ideas is really the hardest part. Life imposes on us a bunch of expectations we not-so-consciously accept and try to fulfil. Some of them we like, some we don’t but all those ideas, expectations, and aspirations are often linked with material possessions, the way we prioritise and the way we spend money. For some of those ideas, we only accumulate stuff, for some we buy stuff and take action, and for others, we take loans to show off. But the ideas are not what make us happy. The thing is that they delude us by telling us that if we fulfil the requirements we will finally be happy. Only that it doesn’t work that way. What was the last time a career success made you happy for longer than a few days? Is it really so that being special/beautiful/fit/perfect/different/smart/successful makes you feel happy for longer than just a few moments? The problem here is that there is no level at which you will be satisfied. After a while, you will always want to do better and this is human. Stopping at some good level is what is necessary to be satisfied with life and with the possessions you’ve accumulated. 

Getting rid of the ideas you don’t want, don’t like, are not yours, and don’t do you good is the first step to decluttering material stuff related to those. When you settle with fewer aspirations and expectations, you’ll be ready to let go of the stuff.  

Stories and histories

Stories are not a standalone entity but they are a by-product of ideas and the effort put into those. Nevertheless, it may sometimes be easier to identify ideas by the stories we tell ourselves. For example:

• I once was so fit/good looking/admired/successful/(fill in the blank), I put so much effort into that, so many years and hours of struggle. How can I let go of it now and waste it now? (You won’t be wasting it – it happened, and it has changed. Apparently, the story no longer fits. The illusion here is that the possessions you keep are the only link to what happened. As we cannot erase the past in any other way, we can’t do it by letting go of things… so the story will not disappear by reducing material things)
• I had this significant other person in my life who is now gone. I won’t be able to repeat what happened. If I let go of things, I’ll let go of that person and I don’t want that. (why do you need to have that baggage? Why is it so scary to let them go, provided that they are already gone? What is the story you tell yourself related to the closure here?)
• I had that goal some time ago and I let it slip… I wanted to and it didn’t work. If I only worked harder… maybe I can still try… in the future. 

Past stories are what has already happened. Holding onto the things related to those does not make them more real. If you ask yourself what stories you tell yourself and what elements of your history you don’t want to let go – you may also find out what stuff you keep because of those and get rid of that. If you still find it difficult, it may also be because some of the histories may be related to your previous self-concepts. 

Previous selves 

We change and evolve… There are things we gain and things we have to let go of in the process. If you can’t let go of your previous self even though you want to grow and change – ask yourself why is that. What is your attachment about and what that self gave you that you are now missing? Was it a sense of accomplishment? Is it insecurity of what you are becoming? It’s difficult to let go of things and ideas whatever we gain from them. Our previous selves are no different. 

For example, imagine that you used to bake a lot, but not anymore. What came instead of cooking? What other areas are you now involved in which could only happen after you gave up baking? There are still 24 hours in a day. We can’t do everything and life is full of tradeoffs, so it may have been one of them. And if you are happy with the tradeoff – ditch the old self-concept and get rid of the things you keep just in case you’d like to go back.

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Minimalism (blah!) is not about physical possessions… it’s about what we think about ourselves, how insecure we feel, and how indecisive we are about the expectations we want to fulfil or goals we want to achieve. It is especially difficult in a world full of possibilities, but it is still doable. And this – not limiting the material stuff – is what can make you feel better, lighter, and happier.